Posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49
I had my review today. PsychoBoss was actually pretty laid back rather than her typical nastiness, but by the end of it I ended up feeling more depressed than ever. She started of with, "well just so you won't freak out, let me tell you your overall score is 'meets expectations'". (Me: Oooookay. I should have taken a whole mg of Xanax).
Turns out I only made it by the skin of my teeth, and that was only because I did well in the section that counts as 50%. Guess what that is? Completing my job on time & accurately. She reiterated over and over if this part weren't worth 50% I probably would have gotten a lower score, which would have meant I would have to be put on an action plan, which if you don't turn things around in a certain amount of time you lose your job.
She scored me 'doesn't meets expectations' on the communication section because I was supposed to schedule meetings with her to update her on my meetings with the other people in my dept who do my job. It didn't seem to matter that WE HADN'T HAD ANY MEETINGS for me to update her on!!!!
The other one she scored me 'under' on... you know, I don't even remember, its was just so stupid. (And to those who don't know me, I'm not normally this negative. I have in fact, bent over backwards for this job).
She then proceeded to name a handful of times that she had sprung a question on me and I couldn't immediately give her the answer. It was because I knew she was testing me and looking for something to hold over me at a later date. So apparently this was supposed to show how badly I was doing at my job.
Now here's the VERY BEST PART!!! She said she wanted to ask me something and wanted me to answer HONESTLY. She wanted to know if I was scared of her. (WTF?) I told her, "first of all, I am always honest, second of all, I am not scared of you. However, your manner can be intimidating which can cause me to become flustered and have difficulty responding". I don't think intimidating is the same as being scared of. I think she creates situations where I couldn't possibly say the right thing in response. This includes constantly interrupting me and telling me why everything I say is wrong. She's not always like that, but when she is, that's when I get flustered and can't respond or take up for myself properly. In those situations I usually end up just completely clamming up, which seems to irritate her to no end. I think she wants to see me freak out on her or something.
So then she proceeds to tell me she wants me to tell her when I'm feeling like this so that we can try to work it out. She said its not going to offend her and nothing will happen. I said, "aside from making you madder?" (Yeah, I got a few good ones in). And she said, no, she wants to help me. She said she hired me and I'm like her kid and she wants to see me succeed. (Condescending much?) Everything she says is like a double edged sword, its a compliment but somehow a put down at the same time.
By this time I was no longer responding except for "um-hm", "I understand", and "I'll certainly give it a shot". I could tell she could tell I wasn't happy, and was frustrated that she could get nothing else out of me. All I could think was, "this is completely and utterly a lost cause. I will never make her happy. Ever. Period."
I have worked harder at this job than I ever have in my entire life (and although I may be lazy on my own time, I kick *ss at work). If that's not good enough, what else can I do. Not that I'm giving up. I will never give up until I have secured another job or am being dragged out. I may talk big, but in the end I will suck it up and do what I have to to keep my job. I will be smart and do what's best for me. I've been doing it so long, I don't know anything else. Nobody's going to take care of me but me, so I can't let my temper or ego interfere with that.
Now its time for a cocktail.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:817235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080303/msgs/817235.html