Posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 16:25:36
Maybe some of you here know that I focus on your problems to deflect feeling my own, maybe U can 'feel' that about me;
But pls know it is not out of selfishness. It is out of my own fear of my own problems. I don't gossip, wish no ill come to any of you, and importantly, 'don't thrive on your problems' consciously.
Lately I've felt a lot of emotional and physical pain. (But, I've got benzos. W/o them I'd be very likely to stumble into a black hole about now.) I feel completely forgotten and alone IRL. I miss my father to tears. I have bad thoughts about my mother. I don't leave the house becuz (and this is off the wall) I don't feel 'the IRL world' deserves my presence. Where that thought comes from ... I don't get 4sure. Peeps say love yourself and others will. But, I say, 'I do'. Still not much IRL seems to be presenting itself to me. Maybe I want too much.
I have s-ideation thoughts every day, but no intent. These thoughts are beginning to worry me. (Although, w/ a benzo at my disposal, I can control where my mind will go).
When one thinks so often of this, it might be likely could end up in the black hole.
I don't know how bipolars manage w/o benzos.
OMG, it's thunder. I can't believe it; was praying for rain. Rain comforts me so. Oh, and now I can smell it. Ummm.
goodnite,love, cf
poster:corafree
thread:692138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061005/msgs/692138.html