Posted by Deneb on April 5, 2006, at 13:24:29
In reply to I'm sorry I triggered you Racer, posted by Deneb on April 5, 2006, at 12:22:28
This is getting complicated.
So far I've learned that hugs can be bad things. Hugging others might make them hate you. How would I know whether hugging someone would make them hate me? :-(
It's too complicated. I can't even ask to be hugged. How will I ever know when it's ok to hug someone if I can't even ask? I think it's okay to say "no" to a hug. I would say no to a hug if it makes me uncomfortable. I would say, "I'm not really into hugs".
Since I can't even ask, that means it's never okay to hug anyone.
I think Racer should tell others that hugging makes her uncomfortable. I bet people would rather she tell them than have her resent them. I think we should all be open and honest about things, instead of hiding things.
Dr. Bob can tell me that hugging makes him uncomfortable. I won't feel bad if he said that. Why is it socially unacceptable to say things like that? I don't get it.
When I ask people something, I expect them to tell me the truth. Is it really that difficult to say, "Hugging makes me uncomfortable"?
I expect Dr. Bob to tell me if he doesn't want to be hugged. That's it, I'm going to ask and he's going to tell me. That's the best way to handle things. I won't be upset if he doesn't want to hug me. People should tell the truth about these things. I would tell the truth. I would very much appreciate it if someone were to ask my permission for a hug instead of just hugging me. At times spontaneous hugging has made me a little uncomfortable. If they had asked me, I would have said, "I'm not really into hugging."
I never resent people for hugging me. I don't do that. That's just who I am.
It's safe to ask to hug me. I shouldn't be made to feel bad about asking to hug someone. Hugging is supposed to make people feel good. If one doesn't feel good about it, one should say that. The hugger doesn't want to make the "huggee" feel bad.
That's it, I'm going to ask for a hug from Dr. Bob. I expect him to tell me if he's uncomfortable with it. I expect people to be open and honest about what they feel. If someone feels angry with me, I want them to tell me that instead of resenting me behind my back. I like being direct.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:626334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/629247.html