Posted by Gabbix2 on January 5, 2006, at 19:40:02
In reply to Re: Too afraid to get help » Gabbix2, posted by alexandra_k on January 5, 2006, at 16:47:31
>
> > I did not say he was being judgemental.
>
> I know you didn't say that or imply that at all. I guess I just wanted to clarify that to make sure Larry knew that we weren't accusing him of being judgemental (or thinking that he was being judgemental).
>
>I'm sorry, I thought afterwards that you were probably making a general comment.
> Hmm. Sometimes... Yeah, I hear you. But also... Sometimes there is a lesson in that too that if someone feels a little angry or frustrated then that is not the end of the world. They can feel a little angry or frustrated in response to your behaviour while AT THE VERY SAME TIME caring about you really very much.
>I honestly don't think one is better than the other. I know of some people who say they had their wake up call when someone basically said finally said "Look I've done what I can you're on your own"
I just know for me that was the worst thing anyone could have done.
> I think I hear what you are saying. Disgust... I guess thats my fear... That other people will express or be unable to conceal their disgust in response to me.
>Yeah.. definitely.
> I still want to come back to the flotation device analogy...
> Sure it helps to know there are people on the sidelines cheering you on...
> It helps one not be overcome with despair...
> But long term...
> It is a 'maintenence' strategy...
> It needs to be fairly constant
> If there is a break...
> Things can fall apart
> And...
> Why?
> Why why why
> When one can learn the skills to swim?
> And when there is a flotation device right there to help one while one takes the steps one needs to take in order to learn the skills?
>
> Maybe...
>True.. but maybe the last time grabbing the life preserver ended up dragging them further out..
Or maybe they could grab it but they've never had this much attention paid to them before.
That sounds so terrible, there is so much judgement surrounding "needing attention" even though we all do.
It's kind of like some girls only know how to get attention by being precociously sexual, and end up getting hurt, and repeating the behaviour.
In that case.. sometimes the person needs affirmation of other good qualities not to be shut out, or punished.It's not necessarily consciously manipulative.
(That I know you know.. I'm speaking in general terms)That's why I have real trouble with the hard line approach when there are so many things we are unaware of, even when at the outset it looks cut and dried.
However I think realizing that you can't do it anymore, for yourself, is quite different than taking the hardline approach, I'm not equating the two at all.I think were in agreement here, just expressing different sides of the whole issue.
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poster:Gabbix2
thread:595104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060102/msgs/595580.html