Posted by sunny10 on May 4, 2005, at 8:28:22
In reply to feelings hurt..........(long sorry), posted by woolav on May 4, 2005, at 5:45:23
men seem to always scream and yell when they are asked to process information that they don't understand.
The very fact that he was drinking sounds like he was trying to escape the enormity of what you've disclosed to him.
He needs time to process all of this. In one way, it is true that he doesn't know you. You hid a lot about your personality away from him. Can you ask him if he would like to talk to a therapist to better understand the information that you've given him? Make HIS confusion more important than your own right now. Because it is more important in that you've been the hidden you for years and years- you have familiarity with the situation that is "you"... he's only just met "you". His need is an immediate one.
Acceptance doesn't always come, but when it does, it is always preceeded by denial. He is in denial right now, and hurting badly.
If you really want to save your marriage, put both of you into individual counselling. When he has a chance to really understand what's going on with you (and you have been getting help for yourself to realize that you are more than your looks and sexuality), THEN it will be time to try couples counselling to put together what you each have learned apart.
Hmmmm. Sounds like I have a couple of calls to make myself... Back to therapy for me, too.
Thanks for asking me this question and letting me work it out for you--- I never seem to be able to do it for myself; but I've definitely outlined for you part of what I need for myself....
Thanks again!!!
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:493500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/493516.html