Posted by woolav on May 4, 2005, at 5:45:23
If anyone remembers my prev posts they now what I am talking about. But anyway, I was trying to get my husband to understand that I have bp2 and told him i would like him at some point to go with me to my doc to understand it better, I have printed out and talked to him about the illness and thought he sort of understand ( i realize how hard it is for others to understand) But, last night he had been drinking and basically told me he thought i was crazy and didnt know who i was. I felt like he was making fun of my illness. (recap on prev posts..i had a hypomania episode that i used very poor judgement and began flirting online with men and said some things that were awful) But, I think the reason this episode focused on sex so much was because I have had issues with feeling worthless about myself unless I have men saying i am attractive and want me sexually. This may be in part to the fact that i was basically raped twice as a teenager (13 and 14 yrs old) by boys that i thought were my friends. So, since then, i have felt that was my only attribute (my looks) and there was nothing else to me. (i have felt this way since then) over 20 yrs now. But anyway, my husband said he thought i was a slut for saying what i said to the men on the internet and that he wanted me to be like his friends wives...I felt like screaming that they were normal and I am not. I have an illness!!! I have always known that I should have offed myself many years ago. But, I want help and am trying to take the steps to find the right meds for bp2, but i dont think my family will ever understand and i feel like I have to go through this utterly alone. Sorry this was so long. But thanks for reading...
S
poster:woolav
thread:493500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/493500.html