Posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17
I am so overwhelmed with how much I hate myself right now. All I can do is sleep all day and eat. I just can't believe I am so unmotivated to do anything. I am not working, not on disability, can't find a job and am having a hard time even looking. I have no money coming in and am just borrowing and begging money to live off of. Everything feels so crappy. I feel like I am failing at my life. I know that I am clearly in a depression and I am hoping the medication will kick in soon and give me some relief so I can function but I feel like such a loser. I feel like I should be doing more and wanting more and able to accomplish more. But all I want to do is hide in my closet and sleep and not exist. I don't want to die forever - just temporarily - until I don't have to feel this way anymore. And I am so afraid that I will always feel this way or, as per the usual, I will cycle out of this depression, have a high phase and then crash again. I always end up back here. I am so tired. I'm 31 and too old to keep failing at my life. I need to get it together and have a career and a family and some financial stability. I hate myself. I am so tired of this and everyone I know is tired of me. Today is a sucky day and I have no hope for a better one.
poster:Soulnik
thread:417200
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041114/msgs/417200.html