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not coping

Posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 20:07:12

Over the last couple of weeks I have felt myself slipping. I would be able to claw myself out of that big black hole for a while and just keep on keeping on, but it is becoming such a struggle... I think I am slipping back.

I just want to curl up in bed and try to sleep it all away. I am spending more and more time taking drugs to try to escape. (I never answered you Susan about what sort. Because I am embarrassed at the answer: anything I can lay my hands on). I can't focus on my work. I go to work and just stare at it.

Maybe part of it is because things are getting closer to deadline. Maybe another part of it is that I feel like I am on 'mantinence' therapy instead of any real work. But then I can't handle any real work anyway. I just feel so tired and drained. I would rather be in hospital. I guess that means I've given up again.

 

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