Posted by daisym on June 17, 2004, at 0:12:29
It is such a risk for me to reach out to anyone (besides you guys) for emotional help. But we've spent sometime talking in therapy this week about building other supports and letting close friends in a little closer.
I had dinner with a pretty close friend last night and it was an opportunity to tell her a lot of what is going on with me. She has a lot of stuff going on too...and we've been friends a long time. We talked about many of my life stresses and about how hard therapy has been. At one point she said, "I just don't understand what you are working on that is so devastating."So I took a deep breath and said, "I was abused as a child" (Now, I've told only 3 people in real life over 42 yrs, my husband, a friend, who is a retired therapist and my therapist) and she said, "sexually?" I said "yes, my dad."
She said..."are you sure?"
*gasp*
I said (very quickly) "yes, I've always known." And closed down the conversation. And pretended everything was fine. She said it was hard to believe about me. Then she said, "Have you thought about a support group for this?" I told her no, I was "fine." And changed the subject.I tried to pretend like it didn't matter, the rest of the evening had been great and I do feel like I could call her in a crisis. But when I got to therapy today and my Therapist asked about how things went (we had discussed "telling") I said, "pretty OK" and told him what she said.
He said, "You must have felt punched in the stomach." At that point I finally let the tears out and I was so glad he understood that I felt let down. I was trying to not feel bad about what she said. I know she meant well with the support group suggestion.
My Therapist said her question probably had to do with the misunderstandings people have about recovered memories. But even so, he reminded me that I didn't need to "prove" to anyone that what I remembered and was continuing to remember, was true. He gently said if anyone saw how much I suffered with them, they would never doubt the devastating effect all of this has had. He said he probably didn't have to say it but he wanted me to know he knew I was suffering and was keeping most of it still inside.
And her comment about "it is hard to believe" was more about how competent and strong I appear to everyone. Which led to a discussion about how futile it is for me to ask for help. People don't want to believe I need it, or they don't know how to give it to me. Or maybe I don't know how to ask for emotional support.
He said for people to see me other than strong will be like turning around the Titanic. It is going to take a lot of time. I reminded him that the Titanic SANK and that we've had this conversation before. He said he's decided revisionist history is therapeutic. So he made me smile and feel better. And he said I was very brave for sharing with my friend and he was proud of me (he managed to not make that sound condescending) but that maybe I should stop trying for outside support for a while and lean on him and Babble.
Thank God. Brave or not, it is too hard right now. I like the acceptance and safety I've found here. And I think I'll keep my Therapist. He rarely hurts my feelings. :)
poster:daisym
thread:357436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/357436.html