Posted by Penny on May 4, 2004, at 9:40:18
In reply to What do friends do?, posted by fallsfall on May 3, 2004, at 15:14:50
I wish I knew...
I don't have many friends IRL, I have 'aquaintances', but not folks I can just hang out with and do whatever. And my closest friend can be pretty demanding at times. I think our favorite thing to do together is eat. :-b
But I do have a good friend from college (who I need to call...) who lives not too far from me. We get together every now and again, and just ... well... have fun. We've gone to musicals, dinner, shopping - just hanging out. And I'll tell her about therapy, and she'll tell me about her mom, and we'll just talk. But she doesn't have depression - she's got to be one of the most mentally healthy people I know - so the topic of depression isn't a lasting one, which is fine with me.
I think, IMO anyway, that having 'support' friends and friends that you discuss depression and therapy stuff with doesn't keep you depressed. I guess it would depend - I had a good friend (best friend) from college, and we used to be attached at the hip. I had other friends, but she and I were always together. After graduation, we moved to cities about 1 hour apart from each other, and I started on my mental illness journey. She, as she had moved to a town near her family, didn't understand what I was going through - and when I began forming new attachments, she became jealous. I eventually had to separate myself from her - in that case, it was the friends who would talk therapy and depression with me who were helping me grow.
Anyway - as for your specific questions:
What do friends talk about? IMO, anything they want to talk about. Typically, you talk about what's going on in your life and things that matter to you when you're friends. Not to be confused with aquaintances, where you likely make small talk about nothing. But friends talk about things that matter to them - and if that's depression and therapy, well, so be it.How much do they do for each other? I think this depends on what feels comfortable to you. My closest friend now tends to be somewhat (lol) codependent. Thank goodness, she's getting herself back into therapy! I don't do well with suffocating people, though I can attract them (which says something about me, I guess). She's the one I was living with - and living with her was overly smothering. Now that we're not roommates, I feel much closer to her. I would do anything for her, *as long as* it didn't require me to put my own mental well-being at risk. I have to put myself first and foremost in every situation. I think our friendship has improved and gotten healthier, but can still grow.
What are reasonable boundaries? Again, depends on what you are comfortable with. Personally, I think that a healthy friendship will enable the involved parties to enjoy each other's company without feeling obligated to spend an excessive amount of time together. My healthiest friendship is such a situation - when we see each other, it's as though no time has passed. But when we try to get together, if something important comes up that waylays our plans, there are no hurt feelings. I, personally, don't do well in situations where I find myself afraid of having to cancel on someone b/c I don't feel well or whatever.
Anyway, I don't know if this is any help or not. It sounds to me, falls, that you have friends and that what you are looking for is other people to hang out with. Those people may or may not be 'friends'. If you are feeling good enough to meet more people, then I second (or third or whatever) the sentiments of others who said to take a class or join a club or whatever. As you know, I'm joining a chorus to meet more people. I wouldn't mind that expanding into 'friendships' of sorts with folks that I can perhaps do other things with. But if it doesn't, well, that's okay too.
Is there a way you could invite some of your IRL friends with whom you share depression and therapy stuff (and who are feeling up to it) to do other things? Do you know what other things you enjoy now? Are you feeling up to it?
I certainly understand the "my life is therapy" feeling. And as my T often tells me, I don't have to be depressed to be in therapy. I would say the same goes for your depression/therapy friends. You can still offer support and receive support from them without being in the Pit.
((((fallsfall))))
I apologize is this is totally incomprehensible!
P
poster:Penny
thread:342902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/343171.html