Posted by Medusa on December 12, 2003, at 14:09:46
This is "small", but has me in a tizzy. I'd really appreciate any advice and/or phrasing suggestions.
Last year I met an older woman in town. We ran into each other occasionally (we both frequent a certain shop) and it was always nice to see her. When I had a situation with the custom work I'd ordered from the shop, I called her, and she gave me terrific advice. To thank her, I wrote a note and gave her a package of a candy made where I'm from. All positive stuff.
Last month I ran into her at the market. She'd just finished her shopping and was headed to meet her husband for coffee. She invited me to join them. I did, it was lovely.
Last week she left a message saying she had something for me, and so I met her and her husband for coffee again. She talked about other friends of theirs, and I got the feeling that she does a lot of "caretaking" ... and in turn gets to talk about her interesting friends. (I'm not that special, but I do have a few traits that are unusual here.)
Well, now she's calling me several times a week, with little things. Monday there was an article in the local paper about a special place to cut your own holiday trees, Thursday she'd been to a museum she thought I might enjoy and called to say she'd left brochures for me at a shop in town. I know these are "small" and "for" me, but I get the feeling that she wants me to behave in a certain way, that I'm supposed to fill a certain role and let her play a role.
This woman is a really pleasant person ... if we can go back to the breezy exchange we had before and take things slowly from there. But I don't know if that's possible. I have a pattern of cutting people off completely (sometimes I do try to explain I need more distance, but often it's poo-poohed and then I cut off) and, selfish as this might sound, I really want to exercise my boundary-setting AND bridge-building.
One thing I've already practiced with her is focusing on +her+ while we were having coffee, rather than talking with her husband. Frankly, I'd have more to discuss with him, but she's already pretty sensitive about the "temptations of younger women" (whatever, but I respect her feelings on that).
Thanks for reading. I'd be interested to hear what possibilities you see.
poster:Medusa
thread:289129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/289129.html