Posted by Susan J on September 2, 2003, at 13:04:45
In reply to Physically threatened..SCARED..HELP!, posted by Arrianna on September 1, 2003, at 16:59:45
Arrianna,
Sounds like you are doing a great job handling this. I just wanted to give some practical tips, too. I used to work in the jail/court system and saw many, many domestic violence cases.
1. If he even says it verbally, he's likely to actually commit the act, or some type of act of violence. Normal people don't go around saying they'll break your jaw, even in jest.
2. If you live in the same apartment (rental?) complex, I'd let the management office know, too.
3. Record everything that happens between the two of you, just jot it down on a piece of paper.
4. Get a deadbolt on the door if you don't have one. Look for other ways someone can get in other than the door, and secure those.
5. Try not to go out alone, especially at night. If not possible and you have to go out alone, park as close to your building as possible, but in a HIGHLY visible place, like under a street light, and no bushes near it where he could hide, etc.
6. Have your keys out ready to immediately get in and out of your car. Always lock your car.
7. Do you have kids? Let them know not to have any contact with him either. Let their schools know he's not allowed to see them.
8. If it's legal where you live, carry mace/hot pepper spray. It's best not to own a weapon that can be taken away from you and used against you, so I'd advise no guns. Mace can debilitate most people, at least giving you a chance to run. I used to walk with my finger on the trigger when I worked in bad parts of town.
9. Display an air of self-confidence, wherever you go. He's less likely to bother you if you "seem" strong, even if you feel scared inside.
10. Always have an escape route in mind. NEVER EVER AGAIN let him in your place. NEVER ride in the same car as him.
I know it seems like overkill, but people like him do NOT know how to handle anger and jealousy in normal, predictable, or constructive ways.
Good luck. The fact you have had little contact with this guy means he'll probably just move on. The LESS contact you have with him the better. If you take control of the situation by doing these types of protective things, you'll feel much better, more secure, more self-confident.
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:256170
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/256345.html