Posted by mmcasey on June 8, 2003, at 15:42:09
Well I felt pretty bad when I got here today which was about 2 hours ago. But I've been reading posts and I feel ever-so-slightly better now, I guess just because it has been something to do and often entertaining almost in the way that *real* conversations are. That seems kind of pathetic, but true. And I hope that I'm not insulting anyone by that.
Why do I feel bad?? Because Life Sucks perhaps? Because I don't feel comfortable in my own home most of the time, due to my roomates' presence. Because my two roomates are moving out in July and I have not had much success finding new ones yet. One person was supposed to come by today at 12:30 and I waited around bored until 2. She didn't show up. Then I got here (I am in the lab where I work) to find an email from her that she can't come today but good luck. I don't know if that's supposed to mean that she isn't interested any more or what. I know that a month and a half seems like a long enough time to find new roomates, but I am really afraid of being stuck with the whole rent myself.
Why else? Because I am alone where I now live, but also just in general. Because I don't feel like studying. Because there is nothing that I want to do, and it is only 4:30.... at least 6 or 7 more hours until I can go to sleep and not have to deal with life for a short while. Because I'm gaining weight on Lamictal, or so it seems. Because I can't stop thinking about my no-longer therapist who is probably off joyously starting her new career (I mean, I am happy for her if this is the truth, but I just miss her so much... plus, I'm jealous).
Because there is no joy in my life.
Because I'll have to pay to park in the parking deck tomorrow so that I can leave work early to go see my psychiatrist... I am glad to be seeing him, but annoyed at having to pay. (There are complicated parking issues here and I ususally have to take the bus).
What should I do with the rest of my day?
I don't know. I think this is a boring post, but I guess I just felt like "reaching out" and rambling on about my problems to people who I really don't know.
I knew that I could not get through the weekend without going down.
Thanks for reading. MMC
poster:mmcasey
thread:232433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/232433.html