Posted by Alara on March 30, 2003, at 2:00:33
In reply to The mother void, posted by kara lynne on March 30, 2003, at 0:11:08
> I know, I am always *sigh* heartbroken when I see this kind of relationship between women and their mothers. Maybe it sounds like an easy out, but I'm convinced that it would have been impossible to end up with this much self-hatred if I had had that in my life.
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I know exactly what you mean, Kara Lynne. My mother is a kind, gentle person with a good heart - but she always remained emotionally detached in order to protect herself. For my whole life I tried to break down her wall, to get to know who she was emotionally, hoping all the while that one day she would losen up a little to give me a big hug and reassure me about myself and the world.
My wishes never came true, and I spent four years in therapy crying about how alone and unprotected I felt. I always envied other girls whose mothers came to visit them and who rang them for a chat. When I fell ill from glandular fever and, later, depression, I felt weak, always having to rely upon myself and a therapist who filled in as an empathic but impartial `mother figure'. Gradually this therapist taught me to recognise my own internal mother and I grew stronger, but I always, always yearned for the quintessential mother.These days my mother still lives inside her emotional fortress, but I have accepted her for who she is, knowing that she did the best that she could. I love her very much and know that she loves me too. Mum loves people in her own private way but just isn't very good at showing it.
Kara Lynne, I have found it useful to allow other older women in my life (work colleagues, singing teachers etc) to fulfil some of the `mother' role. To fill the rest of the `mother void', I look with in myself.
It takes practice but you will get there if you persist.
Alara
poster:Alara
thread:213632
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030326/msgs/214283.html