Posted by Ted on October 18, 2002, at 15:59:44
In reply to Re: depakote weight gain, boredom, etc--Ted, posted by ROO on October 18, 2002, at 14:52:34
> I don't know if you ever get over them, you just learn how
> to manage them...I think for me, I just figured out "healthier" ways
> to manage my boredom...ways that were more gratifying to me...and I became
> kind of "bored" with overeating...Wow -- bored with overeating? That would be nice. I once had a coworker who, as a result of a medical problem, felt no hunger and had remember to eat meals. If only....
> I think for me, it was a big metaphor...there was a big void in me I was trying
> to fill...and it became painfully obvious that food wasn't going to do it...so I began
> searching for things that would come closer to the mark...painting, hiking....stuff that
> "fed my soul" more...not to be too Oprah or anything, but hey, I am a girl.I understand. My if I were a girl it would help? :-) I could always pretend (I live near San Francisco). :-)
> That must be frustrating...having had a relatively normal past...I was never "normal", but as far as eating is concerned, yes, you're right.
> You had your first manic episode in 1999?
Classic, yes. I had dysphoric mania for about 5-6 years prior. Earlier, I had brief (hypo)manic episodes separated by long depressions. I call myself bipolar 1.5 -- worse than II, but not as bad as I.
> So until 1999, you had a fair amount of energy and vigor, and after
> that, you've felt pretty lethargic...wow...that's about 4 years of feeling
> lethargic...what sorts of things have you tried to counteract the
> lethargy?- Sleep (10 hours per night). Then I'm wide awake and lethargic.
- Exercise. Then I'm exhausted and lethargic.
- Yardwork & home maintenance. Then I'm frustrated and lethargic.> It must be awfully frustrating...."treated" for your illness...but
> lethargic and care less about anything having been active and energic in the past...Yup. Now you understand.
> Sometimes I wonder how much of it is a SPIRITUAL problem...not in the
> sense of religion or jesus or anything like that...Good -- I'm atheist.
> but the other day I
> was thinking it had been forever since I'd done anything half way adventurous.I do stuff others would call frighteningly adventurous. Yawn. I don't think that's the problem.
> But then you just went on a camping trip the other day, so maybe it's not that
> for you...were you bored on the camping trip?Not for about half of the first day. Went downhill pretty fast after that, though.
> Depression sure is hard on relationships. Scares me.
We agree that at least we each know how the other feels and don't have to try to explain it or anything. But it is difficult much of the time.
> Sometimes I've wondered if I could just FORCE myself to
> do certain things if it would make me feel a lot better...things
> like you just mentioned...just little things like that can make
> you feel more alive...like a normal human being...Yeah. Maybe just a little polite nagging from my wife would help. So much I could (and should) do just doesn't dawn on me. Then again, the last thing I need is to become a CNP (chronically normal person).
Ted
poster:Ted
thread:31253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021010/msgs/31346.html