Posted by IsoM on September 14, 2002, at 13:17:29
In reply to unrealistic expectations r my specialty..., posted by shar on September 14, 2002, at 1:13:22
Shar, I'm not easily offended. I tell people they have to hit me over the head to make it obvious to me & then if someone goes to that much trouble to disturb me, I don't consider them worth the disdain.
Am I in such a minority that I don't think others' moods are my fault? Not that I haven't ruffled feathers occasionally, but I'm fully aware of when I've blundered & hurt or upset someone, & am quick to apologize (unless they're really just boobs who are offended at anyone taking up space on "their" earth).
When I had all my sons still with me at home, & some days I'd be feeling crappy & irritable (migraines can give me an 'irritation' aura sometimes), I'd tell them what my mood was & if I reacted strangely or grumply, to not think it was their fault. The problem was me. I never wanted them to feel guilty over MY moods.
So when someone acts out-of-sorts, that's the first thing I ask them - how's their day going. I usually get a "do you really want to hear?" line. I tell them 'yes, that's why I asked'. It gives them a chance to dump & leaves them feeling better & me not thinking I caused or contributed to it. If they don't want to tell me, that's fine too. But then I know that they're really not up to par & it's still not me.
Read my post just before this to Dinah (but for anyone). I have high expectations & always will. I never want to lose that ideal either. It's so sad how parents have put so much mental baggage on their children without meaning to or being aware of how it would happen. I can see it with your post & with Dinah's too. I resolved not to with my sons. I can't say I didn't at all, but they seem to be fairly mentally balanced, thank goodness.
poster:IsoM
thread:30210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020908/msgs/30288.html