Posted by Robin David John on September 10, 2002, at 18:13:18
In reply to Re: A very long answer, posted by Roo on September 10, 2002, at 11:01:26
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>
>
> >
> >
>
> > I guess where I find it useful is to find types
> of interventions that work well for it, and to
> recognize the sorts of distorted thinking that
> I need to be aware of.
>
>
> Yeah, that sounds reasonable. My own personal tendency
> is to just start feeling doomed by a diagnoses...but if
> you can be logical and just take what is useful, that's
> very good...
>
>
> > I am remembering that feelings so well. It took
> me over three years on Luvox before I really
> realized the trade-offs. The sex didn't bother me
> until after I went off Luvox, because on it
> I had no desire to have an orgasm. But the
> emotional flattening, the inability to really
> feel anything for people I wanted to feel intense
> love for, the Luvox stupids (I'm ashamed to admit
> that it meant a lot to me to feel intelligent
> and quick witted), the apathy, all those things
> eventually made me feel less human.
>
>
> Yeah, I know what you mean. It's pretty amazing. And another
> thing on ssri's...I'm not sure if you experienced this or not...but
> I lost the ability for belly laughter...I'd still kind of chuckle, but
> I wouldn't just lose it laughing...and it was harder to feel really
> deep compassion, you are right, and that's very disturbing.
>
>
> > Hmm. Perhaps SSRI's worked better for you
> than they did for me. They stopped my OCD
> in it's tracks but I ruminated a lot about
> my inability to feel positive emotions, enjoy
> movies, feel Christmas, love my family, etc.
> And I was subject to sudden rages on the SSRI's
> , perhaps because I was less aware of when
> things were building up, leading me to self
> injure more on the drugs than off.
>
>
> Hmmm...that's interesting. I guess to be honest, I still
> ruminated about stuff too...I just didn't care as much...I'd
> ruminate, but it wouldn't cut me to the core....and I could
> let it go sooner...
>
>
> > Yes, I tend to be like that. But that's my
> personality. I'm introspective and ruminative
> and even on SSRI's that was true (see above).
> I just ruminated about different things.
> I'm not sure I'd change that if I could.
> It's too much a part of who I am.
>
>
> Yeah, part of it is probably my personality too. I'm
> definitely an introvert. Although I love being with people,
> I'm usually pretty quiet. And i'm introspective. I guess
> when it just becomes this endless negative tapes that play, it's
> not just personality...it's depression. There's a difference between
> just being thoughtful and introspective and just being trapped in
> your head with ruminating tapes...
>
> > And that was my main reason for going off of
> SSRI's. I would look at dogs I dearly loved
> before the drugs and feel nothing at all.
> It made me so angry and disgusted with myself.
> I felt so inhuman. I think it's our attachments
> to others that anchor us to this world and it
> was more difficult than usual for me to feel
> attached on the SSRI's. I have difficulties
> in that area to begin with.
>
>
> I guess that was part of the appeal for me too...I get SO
> attached to people that it's almost painful...so having a
> feeling of detachment felt so of luxurious (at first) and like
> I had more control, and less fears of being abandoned by the
> people I was so attached to. Less raw, more protected. But
> I feel more ready now to deal with the intensity of my emotions.
> I think I just grew up terrified of my emotions. Now I'm like
> "Cool! I'm trembling and shaking inside! Wow!" Whereas before
> it scared the shit out of me and I felt I had to squelch it immediately.
> >
> > Yes, I suppose that's true. But...the same was
> true for my regular, non-distorted, non-negative
> thoughts. :)
>
> Yep. And I think it's really important to remind myself of
> that.
> >
> > I guess I'm a bit skeptical about there being
> root issues too. I think I'm just biologically
> hard-wired to have problems with emotional
> regulation. What I can do is to dismantle the
> poor coping mechanisms I've developed to survive
> and replace them with better coping mechanisms.
> For example, I've always used dissociation rather
> heavily as a coping mechanism, and I still do,
> but I'm learning to have some control over it,
> to use it in an appropriate manner, etc.
> It's better to use it with awareness than
> without I think.
>
> Yes, exactly. That's where I'm at--recognizing my coping
> mechanisms and trying to change them...I'm having to "act
> opposite" a lot, and that is HARD when just every cell in
> your being wants to do the behavior...to try something new...
> is really hard. Especially in social situations, I find.
> >
> > So does it ever get easy without meds? No. It doesn't.
> But it's a question of choosing which symptoms
> you'd rather live with. I've made my choice to
> feel more fully, but to be careful and monitor
> my reactions, use therapy to contain them, etc.
> That does require some introspection and being
> aware of my moods.
>
> Well put. I think I am making that choice too. And in
> the process of _committing_ to it. It's very scarey. I've
> been on numbing ssri's for a long time...it's scarey to
> step out into the world without that armor. But it's
> exciting too! And like I said, I feel more able to handle and
> even get into my feelings than before.
> >
> > I doubt there's a best answer. Just what
> you want to deal with. It stinks doesn't it?
> I sometimes wish I didn't have these problems
> and didn't have to make these decisions.
> But... there are good things to extreme emotional
> sensitivity too.
>
> I really think we ought to start a thread on that...what
> are the good things about all this...
> If you could make a list of the good things, what would they be?
>
> For me it would be:
>
> 1. Belly laughter
> 2. Literally trembling with excitement
> 3. Killer orgasms
> 4. The ability to feel moved to tears.
> 5. Feeling fully, in your heart, how much you love somebody.
>
> The list is growing, it's still new, so that's all I have for now...
> 6. Having to hold that special someone for that extra long hug not wanting to let go
> 7 . That never ending kiss that just goes on and on
> 8. Trying to get that big grin off your face because you are so happy to see that special someone
> 9 falling asleep in perfect puzzle form with your partner....And # 10
> 10 having those great rushes dowm your back when someone is whispering in your ear sexually
poster:Robin David John
thread:30042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020908/msgs/30103.html