Posted by Kath on August 29, 2002, at 16:15:22
In reply to Re: Being good = Being cared for, posted by Susan G on August 27, 2002, at 23:25:26
Dinah - how old is your child?
I have some thoughts/comments.
I'm 55 & have a 26 year old daughter & an 18 year old son. Sometimes I feel like I've done a shitty job of being a parent because my kids have done a lot of drinking & drugs (daugter is clean & sober for 4 years so she's safely through it). My son is still doing drugs, not working - quit school after Grade 10.
BUT, when I look at who they are inside as people, they're pretty wonderful people.
I think it's really important to separate behaviour from the individual. I cringe in stores or parks when I hear people say to children, "GOOD GIRL!" or "GOOD BOY!" It must make the child believe that he/she can be good or bad, when actually, it's their BEHAVIOUR that can be good or bad.
My son & I will often tell each other we love each other. During the past 3 years (it feels like 5!) "raising" him has been a tremendous challenge. Another way of saying it, I suppose is "It's been the pits". :-(((((
But I still love him big-time. Even though his actions (or inactions) have resulted in him not living in our home at various times, I always tell him I love him big-time no matter WHAT he does.
I don't know how old your child is, but even if they're little, they'd understand, "I love you soooo much. Even when you do stuff that I DON'T like!!!!!!! Everybody makes mistakes sometimes & everybody does stuff that's not really too good sometimes, but I'll always love you no matter WHAT."
Isn't being a parent hard?! Jeez!!!!!!!!!!
Warm thoughts, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:29391
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29539.html