Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2002, at 21:40:26
In reply to Why do we hate compliments?, posted by mair on August 27, 2002, at 20:59:27
Well, I hate to admit it, but I only hate compliments when I'm feeling self-loathing. The rest of the time I love them.
As I said in the thread above, my mother was free with compliments when I was young. My father was not, but I always saw that as his problem not mine. :) (But do you know, I originally typed "my problem not his" - freudian slip?)
There are areas of my life that I don't feel confident about, like relating to others, and I hate compliments in those areas. Unless of course they are small compliments about specific acts, which I see as relatively realistic.
There are other areas where I feel pretty confident, and I don't mind compliments at all, although I don't need them particularly either. I have enough faith in my abilities that unless I hear differently I assume I'm doing fine. That sounds awful doesn't it? Schoolwork used to be one of those areas. Darn I miss school.
So I guess I don't mind compliments that are congruent with my own opinion of myself, and I don't like compliments that aren't. So when I'm self loathing I hate all compliments.
This was terribly wordy, but I guess what I'm trying to ask is do you have a general problem with your self image? (Of course, you don't need to answer.) Is there an area of life you really feel confident about, and do you mind compliments in that area?
poster:Dinah
thread:29399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020820/msgs/29402.html