Posted by ST on April 18, 2002, at 3:43:04
In reply to But we love you, A.G! » Angel Girl, posted by beardedlady on April 17, 2002, at 6:27:03
Angel Girl!
I'm glad you're lurking. I had no idea of your attempt three weeks ago. I'm glad you're still here! I've been very busy and so have not been frequenting the board as much...
Beardy has brought up some great points in her posts.I have 2 friends who I have lost and gained back again. We've left each other when our depressions have gotten the best of us. One friend simply would not get help and continued with the same self-abusive behaviour over and over and over. I stood by her through thick and thin, midnight calls and all...finally I had to leave her because she began taking things out on me. My life became worse because she refused ot get better. I drew the line finally and left. She now says this - among some other things, of course -helped her to grow in ways she perhaps could not have if I had stayed around and enabled her in her depression-laden state of being. She picked up and moved to a new state, changed careers....a year later she contacted me and we started our friendship again. At another point, she told me she couldn't be party to my repetitive destructive depressions anymore; I had to get help. She pretty much picked up the phone and dialed the number of a mental health center for me. I consider her a great friend.
Another friend was not supportive to me in my times of need. She was so depressed and in need and I was depressed and in need...it was as if we cancelled each other out. We were not there for ourselves OR each other! We parted and 2 years later, came back together after having gotten professional help. She is my best friend.
I don't hold it against these women. And at *this* point in our lives, we would be able to stand by each other much more than before. But at the time, that's how it had to be.
Among so many other things, a friend is someone who grows as you grow and does not judge. A friend knows when to kick you in the ass or when to over look your folly and you need to simply be comforted. A friend will be totally honest with you if it's necessary, even when it hurts. A friend won't dwell on the small ways the two of you misunderstand or make each other angry. A friend will expect you to have the utmost respect for yourself and for you to take care of yourself. A friend will want and deserve the respect and caring back.
I could go on...but I'll become a damn Hallmark card. The thing is, are you repeating patterns over and over again? If you are, is this becoming frustrating to your friends? Are you hurting yourself and others over and over? Each time you do, do you learn from it and grow? Or do you back track...or stay in the place where you've been? Why exactly have these friends "left"? And are they really gone for good? It can become really painful to watch a friend hit her head against the wall over and over and over. Sometimes the best help is to walk away from her after a hundred attempts to help her grow and move through her pain.
I think I remember you saying that no doctor would treat you. Have you found one that will? I gave you a listing for a place in your city that could help. Have you contacted them? I know it's hard to motivate when you're depressed, but your friends can't make the depression and despair go away. You have to get help.
On the flip side, I'm a big believer in that things happen in their own time. Maybe you're not ready to get help. That OK, too, you know! Just realize that some friends may not be able to stick around.
I don't know if any of this helps, but these are my thoughts.
Please let me know what's going on. I'll give you my e mail again:
sarahtsaraht @ aol dot com
Take care,
Sarah
poster:ST
thread:22189
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020411/msgs/22230.html