Posted by ELA on April 5, 2002, at 3:39:04
All I can think about right now is drinking again. Don't know where it's come from or why but it's grabbing hold of my mind more and more at the moment.
Tonight I am going to a meeting where I will get my 90 days clean time key ring. Good achievement huh? I am very proud of myself because of this but drink is all that I can see in my head, especially the demon VODKA.
If someone knows how to make non-alcoholic vodka please let me know cos I love the stuff!
I keep dreaming about going out and getting pissed and just walking around by myself and getting pissed. It's all a bit odd as I'm feeling pretty happy and ok generally, the alcohol is just in the back of my mind, though.
I will share this at the meeting tonight but it doesn't always work for me to do that. I can't think of any reason why I would relapse just now but it's a bit of a worry all the same. Relapse to me would be a disaster as the last time I was there I hit rock bottom and the suicide thing happened, as did my cutting again. Don't want to go there again.
Emma.
poster:ELA
thread:21472
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020403/msgs/21472.html