Posted by JohnX2 on March 6, 2002, at 17:34:50
In reply to Re: feel guilty because I feel better., posted by Anna Laura on March 6, 2002, at 11:09:44
Hi Anna Laura,Thanks for your kind and well thought out
reply. I don't have the refined skills to express
my thoughts/emotions as well as you guys. This
is a gift you should charish.regards,
John
>
>
> Hi John,
>
>
> Believe me, i can understand perfectly what you're going through.
> I'm not feeling that good at the moment, ( anhedonia again! ) but i did experience a few good, rather promising days : i felt like i was about to come out of that damn tunell.
> I had a few moments during which i could feel life again: feelings weren't so strong like before, but i was confident that if only i could have held back those feelings a little longer, they would have grown stronger and stronger
> I was sure if those moments had persisted i'd have came back to normal life wihin a few months.I felt kind of guilty also. I was thinking about all that people who have been left behind me in sorrow and despair.
> You know, human being are very presumptuous creatures.
> They think they deserve what they have when they feel good. They don't even think about the eventuality of loosing everything they have.
> They think they can control their own destiny.
> I used to think that too.
> After years of self interrogation, psychoterapy, and meds switching and i don't believe in that anymore. I've seen a lot of immature and neurotic people who have recovered from depression. A woman i used to know had a spontenous recovery after two years (lucky her). Despite her 36 years, she was very childlish and immature: she was envious and had a horrible temper also. She believed she had healed because of a silly new-age like psychotherapy. She insisted i had to do the same. When i said no, she would say something like: "Well, if you go on like that, you'll never recover: you don't feel the energy of the universe because you're egocentric and you never question yourself! "
> You're not like that woman John, you're a very sensitive and caring person and you're humble enough to realize that sometimes pure luck or unexpected events that we don't seem to control play a role in the recovery process.
> Don't get me wrong, sure hard work it's a very important part of this process, but sometimes we don't know exactly what did the trick.
> Don't feel guilty, enjoy it! Don't turn backwards and think about yourself : you deserve it.
> Bump in from time to time to let us know how you're doing.
>
> My best wishes
>
> Anna Laura
poster:JohnX2
thread:19372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19421.html