Posted by Rach on February 20, 2002, at 7:50:35
I was going to post this under LiLi80's thread, but then I made this message all about me, and my problems, blah blah blah, so I thought I better post it separately.
I have been down for about a week and a half for a few reasons. Mostly because I am doing a full time performing arts course in dance, and I can't dance at the moment because I have a back injury from a car accident.I said to my friend this afternoon, I'm sorry if I've been annoying to be around, I've just been grumpy because of my back (and not being able to dance, and being in pain etc). She said, yeah, you have been a bitch this week.
I just took this at face value, apologised to her, and went on with my day. It hurt me that she said that, and it wasn't until I got home tonight that I thought about it. Yesterday, I cleaned her bathroom for her (we dyed my hair, and I was cleaning the mess up, then decided to keep cleaning the whole room and do a nice thing for her). On the weekend, I was at my parent's place, so I didn't even see her or speak with her. Thurs & Friday I didn't see/speak to her. Wed I spoke with her on the phone for about 10mins. Tues night we went out together with a big group of friends, but I was home within a few hours because of my injury, and most of that time I was actually driving another friend around. Monday I didn't see her.
So how, and when, exactly, did I have the chance to be a bitch???
Performing Arts is a really ugly industry to be in. People who perform in every life are just too tiring to deal with. I'm naturally a quiet and shy person, and I just cannot force myself to compete with these people in my normal life. I need some time to be grounded. And the bitchiness...the eating disorders...
I'm trying very hard to not take this environment into myself and making a part of me. But I'm confused as to who I am right now. Maybe it is in me already.
poster:Rach
thread:18564
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020214/msgs/18564.html