Posted by White Rabbit on January 29, 2002, at 21:04:53
In reply to Re: Hell hath no wrath, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2002, at 19:27:15
Thanks guys, I do feel the same way. I don't go through his wallet or phone numbers or pockets
because I feel that trust is so important to a marriage. We've been together for 18 years and married for 13, and he's never done anything like that before. Maybe he just wanted to know what was so damn interesting. His main problem is that he has a great deal of trouble dealing with his deeper emotions and refuses to discuss them when I try to "draw him out". I do know him well enough to realize that he complains constantly when something is bothering him, but it doesn't have anything to do with what is really troubling him. He'll lose his mind if he can't find a tool on his workbench, and later on I'll learn that his boss chewed him out for something inconsequential.
I haven't gone back over my posts to try and figure out what made him so furious. I know I've said things like, "He doesn't understand me" or maybe I complain about his friends, who encourage him to stay out late and drink. But I've NEVER said anything like, "The guy is a bastard and I wish he was dead" or "he can't get it up in bed" or anything seriously insulting, because I've never felt that way about him. When I asked him what I said that was so terrible, true to form, he refused to discuss it. But he was very, very angry, to the point of discussing seperation and a possible divorce. Maybe he just didn't know how screwed up I was, although I don't see how this is possible. When I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, we were both present when a psychiatrist
asked me to be truthful about my Ultram abuse. I told her honestly that it varied according to the kind of day I was having at work. She asked me how many I might take during a very stressful day and again, I told her the truth.
"Maybe thirty," I said, and my husband visibly blanched. I already knew what a terrible, dangerous habit I had acquired...according to a phrase from Angela's Ashes, I had gone "beyond the beyonds." But he never reacted like he did to my postings on PB.
One interesting note: when my husband was so angry with me, I volunteered to go to marriage counseling with him. He scoffed at this, calling it nothing but "mud-slinging".
When my bipolar symptoms returned with a vegeance, he suggested I return to a psychiatrist and I agreed. I made an appointment for Thursday,
and he announced that he was going with me. Of course, my subconcious signalled, "Up periscope".
Does he really want to understand more about my emotional problems or is he simply afraid that I'll talk about him? I hate to think of him as that petty and insecure. Incidentally, he's a very intelligent person and not usually emotionally weak - he's a firefighter. I hope that his interest in my problems - which he's never displayed much interest in before - is a sign that he realizes I need help and I can improve with his emotional support. He's forgiven me for my "transgressions" on PB, whatever they were.
We hope for the best-
Gracie
poster:White Rabbit
thread:17457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17513.html