Posted by Greg on December 5, 2001, at 19:17:18
In reply to Re: A broken record » Greg, posted by akc on December 5, 2001, at 15:09:47
> Don't I feel like the total fool! I should have know that was not a legit address. The message itself has not yet been bounced by yahoo. I sent it some time ago, too.
My fault...I should have said something. My sense of humor is an acquired taste, some acquire, many don't.
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> Let's see if I can recreate what I said. It was mainly about my meds.
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> This combination has given me the most even good periods I have had in my life. I think we have the right mix. The problem is that I am still fundamentally a person who does not know how to live life on life's terms. I've done better as of late. When I have had a triggering event, I have been able to pull out of it before I have spiraled the past few times. Again, a sign that my meds are working, I believe.Living life on life's terms is the thing I think. Life doesn't care if you have a bad day at work or get stuck in traffic, it don't care if you fight with a loved one or somebody you care about dies. It makes you live it regardless, and a lot of times that sucks. I think it's good that you feel that your meds are working, but you should also give yourself some credit that you have developed some coping skills. Our meds only just so far, we have to do some of the legwork too. Give yourself a pat on the back once in awhile.
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> What is going on right now I don't believe has anything to do with my meds. My pdoc is tweaking my lithium -- I'm a little nervous about that because the last time I was at this level, my thyroid began to be depressed. And I sure don't want to add anything new -- she has talked about stuff like opiate blockers and all to help prevent the relief I may get from some of my activities like cutting. I don't think I will go there. It just seems to me to be leaving me in a lot of pain with no choices, good or bad.Playing with my meds about drove me up a wall. I didn't know from one day to the next what I was supposed to be taking or at what dose. I had to put a white board up in my kitchen (it's still there) so I could keep track of everything. I know that drove Cam nuts with all the question about my meds. Probably why he picks on me so much...
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> I'm really mad at my t at the moment. I want to talk about it with someone, but I don't want to be going behind her back -- I don't know what to do. She has laid down why I feel are ultimatums. If you want to get well, you have to do this. And knowing full well that I have struggled with doing what she is suggesting. And bringing this up for the first time in months -- when I am at the heart of a crisis. So I have as choices -- do "this" to get well, something that terrifies me because of my failed attempts in the past, if you don't you will stay sick and stuck, and if you can't stay safe, you must go into the hospital. That is what I have heard. By the way, with the "this," of course, it isn't necessarily quick and immediate relief -- it will be a slow process, but it is the solution.I'm just talking out loud here, but could maybe part of the problem be that there are too many therapists? I've heard you mention a few and a pdoc. Do they all talk to each other? Are they all on the same page? Have you considered seeing one person for your therapy and your meds?
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> I tried the if I were in physical pain, someone would be trying to give me some immediate relief. That was a voicemail last night that I have not got a response. My pdoc won't respond to that either -- all the immediate stuff is bad for me because I am in recovery -- alcohol, xanax, cutting -- in those categories.
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> I am angry because those who are suppose to be able to help don't seem to have many answers for this moment. I just cannot stand more of this.
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> But I've got to be a good kid -- do my homework -- be the star pupil -- get my work done that has to be done by 4 pm tomorrow regardless of anything else. So I have got to concentrate for more than 15 minutes at a stretch (my limit it seems today).
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> I don't know what to do.You're obviously butting heads with your therapist, you don't want to do what he/she wants you to do. You're not productive at work. You're tired, confused and very stressed.
Your mind and your body are sending you some very clear messages right now, you need rest. Whether it be at a hospital, or taking a vacation with maybe a daytime outpatient group therapy thing. Take some time off. Life will waiting for you when you get back.
> akc
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> p.s. this was nothing like I sent to you in the email!
poster:Greg
thread:14945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/14997.html