Posted by galtin on October 14, 2001, at 23:38:07
In reply to Re: Dependence on therapists Dinah Cass » galtin, posted by Cass on October 14, 2001, at 0:06:39
> > Take one father whose expectations of me I could not fulfill, a mother who was an emotional cipher, and my naturally defiant temperament. Add a 13 year career in the ordained ministry marked by steadily progressive alcoholism. Add a liberal dose of personal hypocrisy. The public persona of a respectable and successful minister colliding with a private life morally and logistically out of control. Finally, subtract the quart of vodka a day, add a public booting from the ministry, shake in a sudden, searing shame, and there it was- rabid self hate.
> >
> That is a respectably honest answer. Your life has been tragic, but very interesting. I bet it's the honesty which has led to your success. Denial is the biggest perpetuator of mental illness, IMO. I'm so glad things are going better for you. I've experienced a lot of self-loathing myself which is a result of a pathologically rejecting and demeaning mother and a psychopathic father. They are both out of my life now, but the self-loathing is still present at times. It's such a long road to recovery. I feel that the majority of my adult life to this point has been spent recovering from childhood, although that trend is changing. People are insensitive when they say "Get over it" to child abuse victims. They would probably never say that to a holocaust victim.
Cass,My parents made some mistakes but were well-intentioned, never cruel, and have in the last ten years been open to exploring (in therapy, no less!) how everything happened the way it did.
I can't imagine how I would have fared with the kind of parents you had. I know enough (book learning & friends) about the damage abusive parents do to also know the courage and determination it has taken you to forge your own independent identity. Actually, I don't know, but I can guess. I am glad to hear you say that the trend is moving beyond staying afloat and recovering. I assume, at least, that you mean this in a good sense.
Those who tell you "to get over it" are frightened. They are afraid of emotional suffering and get through life only by walling themselves off in an artificial world where nothing really bad happens. Too bad, because they miss out on so much of the important stuff. My mother-in-law is like this. Mention a tragedy, or a person in a awful predicament, and she will come up with a reasonable explanation or justification for it. That the world contains evil and hurtfulness transcending any explanation is an impossibility. Otherwise the pain of others might awaken the smoldering volcano of pain and anger within herself.
Be gentle with yourself,galtin
poster:galtin
thread:12459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12562.html