Posted by susan C on August 24, 2001, at 15:21:23
In reply to family support, posted by paxvox on August 24, 2001, at 11:23:20
> Why is it that sometimes family members don't support us when we are having bad times, or is it just me?
No, not just you, I feel others get wrapped up in their own battles. Last week spouse was frenetic with new responsibilities at work. It wasnt til almost the end of the week that I realized, through my fog, that HE needed HELP from ME.
>Why do I feel like my illness is a pox upon them? When I need some love and understanding, is it too much to expect that from my spouse?
Do you ask? Straight out?
>Is there some sort of defense mechanism that makes them mad at us because we are not well?
Yes, I think sometimes oour spouses think us being ill is a sign of them being a failure. Illogical, but true.
>I mean, it's not like I'm not functional. I earn the only salary, I do all the cooking, I help take care of my 6 year old, I more than do my share at home as well as earn the money for the home. A counselor trying to help me get my problems fixed says I am letting myself fall into this trap. My wife acts like she hates me, but interacts fine with others (for a while I thought she was bipolar because of her mood swings, but he says she would act that way to everyone, not just me). Now, she does have a thyroid problem that the endo doc cannot figure out, and clearly has buried a lot of life issues rather than face them, but it seems as if I have become the target for her anger. I thought I deserved some of it, but have changed as much as I can the past year to eliminate the things I KNEW I was doing wrong.
Have you both gone to the drs together? Do you have a forum to talk together with someone else present...not jerry springer (lol) sorry
I have friends who faced separation, going to a cousellor, one activity they did, was the non control spouse, who was angry, but never showed it, was given responsibility for all deceisions for a period of time, the other spouse had to support them. It was the first time in her life she had been given the opportunity to do that and the spouse, it was the first time he did not have the responsiblity and had to respect her decisions. I am not saying this directly applies, but, if you both have ruled out the obvious medical challenges, and are ruling them out, and interpersonal challenges still remain, is it time to get some help together?
> What gives?
I think both sides, but will she play? even if she feels like shit? Pardon my French.
>
>
> PAXSincerely,
A foreign sounding mouse
poster:susan C
thread:10128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/10136.html