Posted by mila on August 24, 2001, at 15:00:18
In reply to family support, posted by paxvox on August 24, 2001, at 11:23:20
dear pax,
you have raised two interesting questions here, 1) why is it that they area mad at us, and 2) where is the support when we most need it. this is very clever of you, for even if it might look like it is logical to not support the person who makes us angry, many people still do (support), but others don't.
hurt and fear always underlie anger. maybe your condition scares her more than you realize, and maybe it hurts her more than you realize. Could you just ask her about it? about her fears and pain that your condition have caused her? when my husband becomes ill, i seriously panic and become very angry myself, so i understand the dynamic very well. my reactions were a mystery to me for years, but we have talked about it a year or so ago, and now things are much better. despite of the vows (be in sickness and health) the spouse's sickness still gets us by surprise, and some people lack the emotional ability to deal with it more than others. For me it is easier to care about the broken bone or bloody wounds than about the family member who feels extremely weak and low in spirit.
the lack of support always stems from lack of common goals. I am afraid you would have to give it a serious thought too. People tend to support each other when they build something together: a happiness, a family, a house, a shared purpose in life, etc. you have to find a way to see each other as members of the same team, then you will support each other better. each of you could write down a list of individual goals and desires, and then share them and see which are common. after that put your heads together and brainstorm how to get there sooner and better. this will bring back the spirit of camaraderie into your relationship. you might discover that things are not what they used to be when you first met and fell in love. people change. and, strangely enough, always to the better :)
best wishes
mila
poster:mila
thread:10128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/10134.html