Posted by mila on July 17, 2001, at 21:59:25
In reply to I hate myself and I want to die., posted by kid_A on July 17, 2001, at 19:03:08
Hi,
I understand how you feel, kid. Thank you for telling your story...
One thing that helped me most while I was going through the medication ordeal was the understanding that my disorders were not "like diabetes", a metaphor frequently used here on the board. Mood and anxiety disorders are actually treatable, and the chance of full recovery is there. Both depression and treatment from it are not pleasant, or at least were not so for me. I had been on medication for 7 months and, except a short romance with Paxil, it was hell. But I got cured. So can/will you.
The important thing to realize is that your condition might be as well situationally determined, which means that life circumstances screwed your chances for happiness. It is not your fault. Absolutely not. And now it is time to repair your hardware and go for it again. Never give up on your dreams, pursue you dearest desires. You'll come to know a great love. It's inevitable. It is worth living.
Treatment might be unpleasant, and it was for me. But those meds do work silently on the background and repair something in our brains. Once you get well, you'd have to go through the recovery from the consequences of the treatment, and fine tune yourself to the world again, but that's not that bad. The last and weirdest stage of recovery is when you realize how traumatic was the whole experience of having gone through the mental illness. I am sometimes shaking my head and say "I can't believe I went through this and survived, and recovered", this is unbelievable.
Please, remember, that the medication is not only about the symptoms. It is about something else in your body, in your brain too. The symptoms might worsen, but the brain might be getting healed meanwhile. It's sometimes just like chemotherapy, I believe. But the reward is big. Worth it.
you are here not to suffer, but to love and be loved. Please, stay, let it come to you.
mila
poster:mila
thread:7558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7568.html