Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2014, at 18:40:11
In reply to Re: Saw him » Dinah, posted by Poet on June 24, 2014, at 9:36:02
> I get that he needed to take care of himself, I just wish he'd handled it better especially with the referral therapist who is now his associate.
Exactly.
> I think you're very wise to proceed with caution.Especially since he didn't seem to think he'd done anything wrong. He likely blames me for not understanding the terrible pain he was in, and not appreciating that he did the best he could for me. Not that he even hinted as much, of course! But if his only response is that he did the best he could do, he is not likely to do anything different if another crisis came along.
What in that is there to trust?
I do suspect he's not quite as well yet as he needs to be. I hope he takes care of himself and reenters the work force at a pace that is comfortable for him. Both for his sake and for the sake of his clients. If he does, I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine for the sort of short term cbt type therapy he usually does.
I like him, I care for him, my feelings for him really haven't changed. But I don't trust him and I don't see how I can when my safety in his hands depends on events beyond my knowledge and control. I always knew he handled stress and crisis badly. But he never handled it in such a hurtful way before. Now I know he's capable of doing that, how could I ever trust even minimally?
Not to mention that the stability he brought to my life was in large part based on my feelings of trust and safety. How helpful could he actually be to me if those feelings are gone? He would be more likely be a source of agitation and insecurity. I went through that all with him and came out on the other side, only to discover the spurious nature of that hard won security. I'm not of a mind to even try to fight again, only to reach an illusion.
And I don't think I'd feel at all comfortable hurting him by even saying those things to him so bluntly.
poster:Dinah
thread:1067158
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1067318.html