Posted by Solstice on November 7, 2010, at 9:41:11
In reply to Re: Foot in mouth - Funny (but not) therapy story, posted by Daisym on November 6, 2010, at 23:34:03
Well Dinah... I think Daisy here has a perfect Dinah-ish response! If he's feeling as guilty as I hope he feels, saying what Daisy suggested might be just the thing to open up a good 'lead' into a serious discussion about him perhaps needing to tighten up on his commitment to the therapy. I'd just hate to see your long and fruitful therapeutic relationship with him slip into an un-therapeutic relationship and you to eventually leave it with unresolved hurts. Daisy's comment about standing up for yourself is true. Speaking up for your need that he figure out a way to be fully present despite whatever you or he think about your voice's rhythm or 'soothing' quality is crucial! It is HIS responsibility to address his problem... and it is HIS problem, not yours. You can forgive him, without letting him off the hook. He needs to address it STAT. You need to know that you matter enough for him to do whatever it takes. 'Laid back' might be an excuse for un-therapeutic behavior on his part that you are a little too willing to offer and he is way too willing to accept... which prolongs a dynamic that needs to change. You need him to wake up! And that is a bona fide legitimate expectation. He is responsible for ensuring that you get the best quality of the agreed-upon number of minutes for the agreed-upon dollar amount.
Would you go to the store and make excuses for a butcher who frequently gave you spoiled meat for your $100 (or whatever)? Would you say "Oh well, the butcher probably just wasn't paying attention and picked the meat he gave me out of his throw away pile, it wasn't on purpose to hurt me." Or, would you say "Look - I expect fresh, un-spoiled meat for my money.. each and every time I pay you."
I don't want to come off as too strong for you in a way that's not helpful to you... but I hope you will speak up! Maybe his boat needs to be rocked a bit.
Maybe send him this thread....
Solstice
> Oh dear. I'd say that was both feet...
>
> Can you gently suggest supervision? (but not really mean it?) I think I might admit that I dread when *he* starts talking too - because he is so comfortable.
>
> You have a great skill to convert hurt to humor. But please do acknowledge your hurt feelings even as you let him off the hook. It is good practice for standing up for yourself. :)
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:968763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968936.html