Posted by muffled on April 30, 2007, at 17:49:19
In reply to saw my T, posted by gazo on April 30, 2007, at 14:20:56
> we didn't even get to insurance part. i guess it'll have to wait, unless i drop off a letter or something. Today was crisis management. we talked some about H, why i stay, etc... and i tried to explain the horrific panic attacks i get.. like ones that last for days and have put me in the ER. So he felt that before we could cover anything else of substance we had to get into the anxiety.
**Yeah, mebbe tell him bout insurance in a letter, so you don't spend all day worrying bout it.
Sigh anxiety. Yeah, I good at that too. GAD severe, hmmm, but I don't agree w/that dx. Anyhow, I AM better at it. I tell myself its OK, that this will pass(and I actually BELEIVE it now....). I DO admit, when the anxiety comes on allasudden, well, there seems to be sh*t all I can do bout it. Its all consuming. I CAN function(barely), which suprizes me, but that may be a function of my splitting(a good function for once!). I have found if there is no xanax or klonopin to be had, that specifically(non-alcohol based)LiQUID benedryl works quickly too. Mostly, if at all poss. I sleep them off.
>
> he asked me to describe what happens.. which is near impossible (it really is impressive) but even in trying to it started making me uncomfortably anxious... and being the good therapist he seized the opportunity to "let me experience that." grrrrr... He tried to encourage me to breath and all that blah-de-blah... but i just sat there holding myself wishing to god i could use one of my coping mechanisms... of course it would be inappropriate to whip out vodka in his office.ROFL!!! mebbe it would be funny to whip out a flask one time!! Just for a joke.
I LIKE it when my T talks me down. She hasn't done it often, I am careful. But when she has, I dunno, it just feels like mebbe she cares or something, or mebbe I feel (UGH!!!) nurtured or something. I dunno.
>
> i just kept my eyes closed and tried to listen to his voice... that calmed me. He is soothing.**Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Once your back enough to hear and absorb it feels good eh?
>
> i told him he would never have the chance again to lure me into that state. No way.**Sigh. I guess if you know he can talk you back, that maybe its OK? He DID talk you back?
>
> we seem to be doing a lot of crisis management. he said i have to be able to get to a point with this overpowering anxiety before it would be possible to go deeper with anything.**Yup, I tend to dissociate ALOT initially. Thereapy was basically crisis management and kinda a waste of time(cept I was learning trust). I would remember little or sometimes even NOTHING of a session, that was very frustrating. But now I do MUCH better and things go better now.
>
> i asked him if i was unsalvagable and he said no.. he believes i can be helped. That meant a lot.**Yeah, I think ALL are worthy to try. And you Gazo seem to be real nice yourself.
>
> he said the pills and sleepig were escaping the anxiety and would not help.. i just don't know what else to do yet. i need to get through somehow until i have better skills.**Exactly, you goto do what you goto do, just be safe bout it. I hear klonopin w/d can be pretty lousy.
>
> anyway.. i know i am persona non grata.. but thanks to anyone who bothered to read this. you don't have to reply.???Why you persona non grata?????
>
> much peace and love**Right back at ya Gazo.
Take care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:754254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/754696.html