Posted by Tamar on December 26, 2006, at 12:52:25
In reply to Re: why can't I leave therapy?, posted by caraher on December 25, 2006, at 14:41:56
> Have you asked him how he thinks things are going? I'd imagine he'd have some sense that things aren't so good, too.
That’s a good idea. It would make sense to ask him. I will admit I’m afraid of his reply. But then, I know I’m pretty stuck at the moment. And maybe hearing what he hopes and expects from our work together would give me a sense of perspective.
> Could you discuss with him, if even in a very theoretical, therapists (or the kind of therapist) he'd think you should see if you were unable to see him anymore?
That’s also a very good idea. Although, I wonder how helpful his answer would be if he doesn’t get the need for transference work. On the other hand, it might provide a good starting point for talking through some of that stuff.
> I know it's not so simple because there are some positives to "Bert" you might not get elsewhere. But really, you do need to trust your instincts on this and find a way to see someone who can help you more. You've given more than a "fair trial" to this therapy relationship and you know it.
Yes… I hope that’s true. I mean, I hope the trial has been fair. I still wonder if it’s unfair of me to complain when I haven’t told him word-for-word that I’m caught in this scary transferential stuff. But on the other hand, I’ve tried and he hasn’t heard; I’ve tried and he’s changed the subject; I’ve tried and he’s failed to engage with the feelings I’m expressing…
> In any relationship, if your satisfaction is contingent on a fundamental change occurring in the other person, it probably has a bleak future. It doesn't sound as if he's going to change his ways anytime soon, and it's foolish to hope for it.
Yeah, I probably am foolish. And yet… I’ve never thought I was expecting a change that was fundamental. I’ve thought the change I wanted was more about ways of communicating and relating, which always seemed to me a reasonable hope. After all, don’t we all make some adjustments to our ways of relating in our relationships? Or am I living in a fantasy world?
> (((Tamar)))
Thanks for the hugs. Hugs to you too.
Love,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:716231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/716505.html