Posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 12:41:50
In reply to Guilt, boundaries, and compassion... (longish), posted by Racer on March 16, 2006, at 12:17:56
A quick response now, I may have more to say later...
The most helpful thing for me was to realize that as much as my friend wanted my help, that helping her wasn't what she needed. That I was enabling her to be weak and dependent by doing things for her. When I could finally see that it wasn't in my best interest for things to continue the way they had been going, and it was ALSO not in HER best interest, then it was easier to back away. And she has certainly risen to the challenge and is doing better without my (overly energetic) help.
Backing away meant losing a lot of the connection, and that is still sad for me. But maybe these days we are starting to rebuild a new connection on a different basis. So there may be hope for the future.
It sounds like you are doing the right things. I commiserate with the difficulty, though.
poster:fallsfall
thread:620937
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/620945.html