Posted by gardenergirl on December 14, 2005, at 21:47:06
Okay, hoping I don't jinx anything here. But the last week or so, I've really noticed that I'm doing better. I've been building towards that for awhile, I think. I'm actually (gasp!) depression-free for the first time in literally years. It's nice, but weird. I worried I was actually getting hypomanic, but it's really just me...non-depressed me.
So, in my session this week, my T commented that I don't have a "template" for being cared for as a non-sick person. He's been saying he thinks I'm trying to "give up the sick role", but I don't know what that leaves me, and I likely am anxious that no one will show their love and caring of the "well" me. (I know that doesn't make rational sense...)
It's true that as a child, I got the most attention and caring from my mom when I was sick or injured. She's a nurse and also somewhat self-centered. Also fairly anxious. I've been depressed a good part of my marriage, too, although when we were dating and in the first few years, I was the "vivacious" GG he met and fell in love with. She's been missing in action for awhile. :(
So, what do you talk about in therapy when you're doing well? I think that I'm worried he'll lose interest in me if I'm well, and I'll notice and feel rejected. And frankly, what do you talk about? It seems silly to say, "things are good." I don't know what else to say after that.
He's right. I don't have a template or not a very defined and "safe" one for being well.
I feel totally lost with this.
Any ideas, comments, experiences, or insight?
Thanks,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:589173
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/589173.html