Posted by pinkeye on May 27, 2005, at 17:35:12
In reply to Re: it might sound quite bitter, but that helps you., posted by happyflower on May 27, 2005, at 17:14:39
No. I am fine. There is nothing to suppress.
Thanks for caring about me.
And I don't have bitterness - neither towards my ex T nor towards my current T. I just see them for what they are. They are professionals, and with my ex T I confused it, and somehow thought it is a personal caring. But now I know how mistaken I had been. He helped me a lot and is a good doctor - but that is the end of it.
I never really thought of him as a doctor so far. I always thought of him like a friend. Only now I have started thinking of him as a doctor. He was just a doctor. A good one surely, but at the end of it, he just treated me. That was all there ever was to it. If he had thought of me as a friend, he would never have been able to dismiss me like he did. And why should I think otherwise? Anyway, all that was some transference and reliving of past and replaying of history. It really is not valid at all.
And where is the pain in this? I don't think I have any pain now. I am just seeing things in the right way for once. It seems totally pointless to me now.
And regarding my current T, she is just a T. And what am I supposed to feel for her? I don't feel anything. I don't think of her beyond that 50 minutes, and even in those 50 minutes I don't think of her.
I think I am healing really well now. It probably sounds like I am bitter or angry - but I am not. Everyone in this board thinks of their Ts like Gods. I have started seeing it in a different light now. I am not bitter.
> Pinkeye, I do hear a lot of pain in your posts, are you sure you aren't suppressing your feelings? Please don't get upset that I am saying that. I really care and worry about you. I think your feelings are well justified, and it is okay to feel them, but you seem to have a lot of bitterness even when it comes to your current T. Is your current T helping you with your ex T and your father stuff? I hope your feeling for your ex T aren't interfering with bonding even a professial relationship with your new T. I could be off base, believe me, but please forgive me for asking. You just don't sound like your sweet self.
poster:pinkeye
thread:503772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/503809.html