Posted by Jazzed on May 19, 2005, at 19:41:32
In reply to Re: How to stop constant fear, worry and rumination? » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 19, 2005, at 19:18:53
> I agreed to go back to India I guess because I was feeling very lonely here. And my hsuband's condition for hte marriage was that. I agreed thinking he would change his mind.
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> But it is not specific to this India/US. I have been this way for a long time even before this whole India/US issue came into play. I wonder how I survived all these years. The past two years, when I had my exT, it was some consolation. I wanted to be well veyr much, and I kind of managed to stop worrying. Now that he is gone, I am back to what I was before. Only now I realize things myself.
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> I am extensive worrier. I worry about all things. Today I saw star wars - the latest release, and I was worrying what if I become bad like Annaken one day. All very stupid things.. but I worry anyway.
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> I think I was extremely confused as a child.. I was the guinea pig for my dad in lots of things. HE threw all his ideas on me, without realizing if it was appropriate for my age. I was taught about all unwanted things way too early.. When I was 10 - 11, I knew about politics, philosophy, and so many different things. And I think I just accumulated so much of unwanted information over the years, and I don't know how to make sense out of it all. I have tried my best to make a meaningful view of life, but it is overwhelming with the amount of information that I have. And my husband is into a religious cult, so now I have to deal with two extremely conflicting views. And I am caught in the middle and don't know what to make out of what.
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> Sometimes I think I will die pretty young.. with so much of confusion and contradictions and worries.
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> And I am so scared of my health.. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and they treated me with lot of experimental drugs, and the possible side effects listed scared the sh*t out of me. I was also all alone in the US while I was taking these medicines, and I was really scared to death. So that is how my fear of illness started.
This is all so sad, and I am so sad for you. I can understand what a hopeless feeling you have at times, with all the valid reasons you have to worry - the state of your health and marriage, whether you will stay here, and then the cult. Are you with another therapist now, or can you get with another one? Would meds help? I think it's very good that you are able to get online and talk it out.Jazzed
poster:Jazzed
thread:499933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500087.html