Posted by shrinking violet on April 23, 2005, at 3:27:51
It's after 4 am here and I've been awake for over an hour, despite the "sleep in the bottle" I've been chasing. Although, having someone's alarm go off twice in the space of an hour, the first time lasting 30 mins, the second 20 (just now went off, thankfully....how long before it comes on again?!), didn't help. It jarred me out of a dream about my T.
What do you do when you've tried (albeit not as well as you should have, but as much as you would allow yourself), but things are still the same...actually worse? Whatever small motivation to help myself and try to make this life work that brought me to my T almost two years ago.....It has completely gone now. And I know now that I've tried....the therapy, pills, the whole "team treatment" thing, but.....I still feel innately like I don't belong here, like life is just *wrong* for me, somehow.
I keep thinking of peace, life, death. Peace and life don't really seem to go together. Death and peace though, that's another story. The closest I can get now is sleep.....If I could sleep 24/7 I would.
Speaking of, I should probably chase it again, with some chemical help of course. I hope I can at least wipe out half the day tomorrow (well, today) asleep....Less time to have to be awake.
I wish my T were here.
I wish I had given her a hug before I left yesterday.I wish.....
poster:shrinking violet
thread:488248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/488248.html