Posted by shrinking violet on April 9, 2005, at 18:38:47
In reply to Re: i don't belong....(careful, possible *t*) » shrinking violet, posted by mair on April 9, 2005, at 18:29:46
i have no words to even give this a proper subject.
thank you for your responses. i don't deserve them, i don't deserve people trying to keep me here, anywhere.
i don't want to cry anymore, but i can't stop either. i wish my t were here, so she could see how sorry i am, how much this hurts me.
i tried cutting again just now....i haven't done it in a while, and even then only when i started T. but i needed to do it. i always sort of find it fascinating, later, to analyze where i decided to cut, b/c i go mostly by instinct and not rational thought when i choose a place. this time, i did it on my chest, just over my heart. it hurts, it's bleeding, it stings, and i can feel the pile of tissue against it. it's somewhat comforting, in an inexplicable way.
i'm sorry.....i'm not being of much use to anyone. and i hope i dont trigger or upset anyone by my selfishness.
If there is a God, please....don't let me wake up tomorrow.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:482015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050409/msgs/482134.html