Posted by daisym on October 10, 2004, at 22:53:50
In reply to Re: Are you ever afraid you present too well? » daisym, posted by Dinah on October 10, 2004, at 22:00:30
Thanks very much Dinah. It is nice to know that someone knows how hard it can be. I know I should say, "no, no big deal, really." But I can't tonight. I'm holding too much and we've tipped into the illness that flares this time of year. Right now it is totally controllable, he is working, and all that. But he is sleeping upright on the couch already (usually this happens at Thanksgiving) and taking prednisone. I had to go to a company function by myself last night, because he didn't feel great and he is in a lousy mood (drugs do that) so he announced he was staying home. And I had to endure the inevitable questions and sympathy from people who knows us.
Inside my head I'm screaming, "I can't do this another winter. I just can't." But practically speaking, I know I can and will. And really, who am I to feel sorry for myself? My husband is suffering and while he isn't doing it gracefully, he does push himself to get up, get going everyday.
So, I see my therapist tomorrow. And I'll probably wallow in self-pity for awhile and then he'll help me see what I have control over and what I don't. Until then, my plan is to bury myself in work.
As far as you taking a break, I think you should take a "sick day" from everything and stay in bed all day. Declare your bedroom an oasis. Shop for your favorite snacks and drinks. Take a hot bath (I know you like those) and just treat yourself with soft music and rest. I have a friend who rents out a hotel room (cheaper than the hospital) because she likes the deep tubs and when she is at home, all the "do me now" stuff is still around. She takes mini-vacations a couple of times a year. Your family will understand you are grieving. Give yourself the space and time to do it right. (This sounds good even to me, actually.)
poster:daisym
thread:401120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401367.html