Posted by daisym on October 10, 2004, at 20:22:47
In reply to Are you ever afraid you present too well?, posted by Dinah on October 10, 2004, at 9:02:50
Clearly suicidal messages:
I had a dream last weekend that I asked my therapist to put me in the hospital and he said no, I was doing better than "I" thought, so I jumped off a bridge. There was more to the dream but when I told him about it, I also added in that it was about my mother, who never knew how bad I was feeling.
I also have cleaned out my computer files, my office and my dresser, paid all the bills, made menus and shopped for two weeks, etc. etc. I attributed this to channeling my anxiety in a productive way.
I am the QUEEN of cover it up. Last friday I gave a speech to 200 people and I have no idea what I said. I heard I did well. I dress up in heels and suit almost everyday and take myself off to work. I even go back to work most of the time after sessions.
I posted that last thursday I sort of told on myself about how badly I was doing. My therapist did connect the dots, he remembered the dream and just about everything else. I guess I really had been trying to tell him all week. But afterward I apologized for being "overly-dramatic." *sigh* Even when I finally do tell, I take it back. (NO, he didn't really let me.)
I think that is what makes us so dangerous to ourselves. We know how to make it all seem OK, until is isn't. And then we are done.
I hope you find people to listen to you and you feel better soon. I would miss you a lot.
poster:daisym
thread:401120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401299.html