Posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 18:04:27
In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 15:47:41
B2,
I know what you are saying about posts. I feel embarrassed a lot about my posting. I say things and then I think, "Darn, I shouldn't have said that." I think it was very brave on your part to post what you did. Trust me, you are far from alone in this.
I have those dreams just about every week now. Sometimes, I am literally running in the grass and I see that ***'s shadow behind me or I feel my breath cut off for a second from a blow. It's all just terrifying!
B2, you are right in the middle of it. I have my waves or crashes. When I 1st started dealing with it, I didn't know what to do. So, I wrote down everything. I thought I was going to die and I wanted someone to know. Now, I have literally binders full of pictures that were drawn like stick figures by child. Oh, it's a nightmare.
I was hospitalized in the beginning. I thought it was one memory that was trying to emerge. I was wrong. That was over 8 yrs ago and I still have that stuff come up. I made it thru nursing school with the flashbacks. I guess the maniques triggered me. I don't know, but everything did. I would look at a man and see him. I was a walking trigger.
I can imagine how you feel. It is just awful. The feelings thing is like a roller coster that you want to get the heck off of forever.
That freezing thing is like GG said. I did it and still do. I am trying to unlearn that. B2, children love their caregivers and they want to appease them. They will do whatever they say to get that love back. It's okay that you loved the abuser. That is normal. I loved mine too. I thought he was beautiful. You can love someone, but hate what they did.
As far as I am doing today, I have a really difficult time with dissociation now. I didn't in the beginning, but now I do. I hear music, kids talking, comments out of the blue, see shadows, etc. It's all in my dreams. I had one earlier about a girl looking at me, but not saying my words. It's all apart of this process.
poster:shadows721
thread:364059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/364163.html