Posted by Kind Girl on February 17, 2004, at 9:44:04
In reply to Re: So pissed at my T. right now..., posted by pegasus on February 17, 2004, at 0:03:44
I am not sure....in a nutshell I have been in complete denial of my childhood abuse my entire life...a crisis (aint that the way it is) caused me to sever ties with my mother (she severed the ties actually)...she is the main abuser in my life (I had several but she is the biggest).
In my t. work I am remembering being left for long periods of time as an infant...a very small infant.....and you know my first reaction to all of it is, "This is bullsh(*....this didn't really happen...you are trying to get attention...."...which t. says it the denial and coping talking but it really DID happen and we really DO need to listen to that little baby.
So......the little baby who was told to quit crying (and obeyed) is now crying hysterically all the time time. T. says for me to call her...for me to picture her there with me as an infant, holding me...and again I say, "Bullsh(*."
This hurts too bad.
I feel like my T. has lured me to a place of despair and I can't comfort myself or find comfort anywhere but through her. So, I call her (hate doing that...feel like a bother...a leech)....and then I have to wait hours for her to call me back!!!!!!!! Why does that infuriate me?? I don't want to talk to a frickin answering machine. I want my mommy...and there ain't no mommy coming for me. T. tells me that I need to feel these feelings and I really don't think I can take much more of this or I am going to die inside. I don't think she understands how bad I feel. She says she cares, she got me a gift for my birthday...and I feel like an impossible brat who needs to go away now. :((((
Thanks for listening.
poster:Kind Girl
thread:314323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/314577.html