Posted by Catmom on January 13, 2004, at 2:01:29
In reply to Is this Transference?, posted by Pandabear on January 10, 2004, at 21:09:09
Pandabear, I have a little theory (which is probably not unique to me) that we all have a melange of transference/projection/countertranference issues in the normal business of going about daily life.
Maybe you see a woman in a store and she's struggling and you have a moment of compassion and identification because she "seems" like your mother. But in reality she could be quite different.
In therapy, I think that the transference develops over time since we come in a heightened emotional state that makes us vulnerable, feeling insecure, almost child-like. And then we project, or transfer, onto the T the kinds of emotions we had as a child. The T might become the Good Father, the Bad Mother, the Surly Sibling, etc. to our way of thinking.
If we had an inadequate or a bad mother, we might hope to find the "Good Mother" embodied in the T. We also might "expect" that the T will treat us like the bad or good parent did.
Feeling so vulnerable, we start to cling to the T just like a young child will cling to a parent even when the parent is a poor one.
You write that " I just hate the idea that once i leave the room, I mean absolutely nothing to her!"We never really can know what we mean to the T. Depending on the T, we could be people who are deeply meaningful but the T cannot say so since that would gratify a fantasy. Or maybe we mean just a paycheck. Or maybe we are a tedious boring nuisance. I just don't know. I suspect that the T will respond to patients differently.
I sometimes run into the possible error of comparing my job (I am a teacher) with that of the T. I have some students I really like because they are responding to the material; I have some students I don't like so much because they cut class, tell me that they hate the class, or fall asleep in class and snore. Others I am really happy with when I see that they improve as time goes by. I doubt that any T is able to feel uniform feelings about each and every patient. On the other hand, the T has had training about how to manage transference/countertransference. I doubt that there are many Ts who can go home at the end of the day and NEVER think about a patient.
It's really embarrassing to have juvilile feelings about a T, but it's a part of the process and could be great grist for the mill of talking in therapy.
In my own experience, I have really good, positive feelings about my T, yet I have had dreams in which she is really quite abusive and rejecting. The dream products clearly reflect some sort of anxiety about her (a transferential one) which I intellectually and rationally realize simply cannot exist. In "real life" my T would never throw me into a dumpster, for example.
It's important to be open and honest, even if it feels humiliating. Especially since you view your T as "an amazing therapist and very smart and trustworthy".
This is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself!
Good luck!
poster:Catmom
thread:299191
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040110/msgs/300066.html