Posted by Solstice on January 5, 2011, at 12:27:37
In reply to Re: What can I do? » Solstice, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2011, at 11:19:04
> When I read your response to Maxime's post about Phillipa, I concluded that your response was also about Phillipa.
But they weren't. I never used Phillipa's name - I was specifically addressing Maxime's concerns about having information collected and dissemimated. Like Scott, I have no way of knowing whether what Maxime has described has actually happened. Having been a long-time reader, though, it is worth acknowledging that I remember reading about other posters periodically having similar complaints over a long period of time. If this were the first time an issue had been raised, I would lean toward being skeptical in an effort to give Phillipa the benefit of the doubt. However, Maxime's complaint is not the first verse of this song. The multiplicity of the compaint and complainors indicates a pattern that, although I have no personal experience, merits my paying attention.
> Since I wasn't aware of any accusations of Phillipa doing the things that you were talking about,well.. Maxime has said that she believes information is collected..
> it was upsetting to me to have it brought up in connection with a post about Phillipa.and again, I have no personal experience with Phillipa doing what Maxime has said.. but my post was intended to address Maxime's concerns in a general way. Bottom line is that based on my experience with being stalked, there really is no way to stop someone from collecting information and keeping files. That statement is not intended to validate charges against Phillipa - as much as it's intended to state a reality that we should all be mindful of. Maxime's life experiences likely make her particularly vulnerable to feeling very threatened by such things (as do mine) - maybe similarly to your experience with peer bullying making you particularly vulnerable to threads like these. I have particular vulnerabilities of my own - which includes my motives being misunderstood and that resulting in negative conclusions about me that are erroneous.
> It was also rather upsetting to hear a sensible person talking about behavior I do routinely as creepy. It made me wonder if I *was* creepy.I hope you understand now that I was not referring to the behavior you described! The 'creepy' I described is nowhere in the vicinity of what you are even capable of.
> Thank you for clarifying that you were not talking about Phillipa, and that you do not find organizing folders of information people have made available to you creepy.Right. I was not talking about Phillipa specifically. I was talking about the creepiness of stalking-type behaviors.
> I'm sorry I misunderstood. I hope you keep in mind that I haven't had a long association with you such that I would understand these things without asking.I'm always aware of the lopsided nature of my feeling connected to a community that hasn't had enough time/experience with me to feel a mutual connection with me. That said.. your post didn't leave me feeling like I was being asked anything. It felt to me like negative conclusions had been drawn about me without requests for clarification. I'm glad it feels resolved for me.
> Perhaps because you feel you know me, it upsets you when I don't have the same knowledge of you?I don't expect you (or anyone here) to have the same knowledge of me that I have of them. I am always aware of, and respectful of, that dissonance. It would be illogical for it to upset me.
> That I take your statements more at face value?
Keeping in mind my high regard for you, I don't think my statements were interpreted at face value. I think my statements may have inadvertently hit a raw nerve in you, leading to your life experiences leaking out into it. And know what, Dinah? it doesn't matter. I found this place because of my own pain. Your posts over the last 10 years were often like salve for me. Your self-insights, your generousity of spirit (think your T's recent abominable lapse in judgment!).. have helped me grow. Most of us are here because we have vulnerabilities. I feel privileged - honored - to accommodate the vulnerabilities of others.. in the hopes that when my own vulnerabilities crop up, I will be held in mercy.
> Building a relationship takes time, I'm afraid. I look forward to be able to do so, if I can.I know it does :-) My having been someone who silently soaked up the benefits of psycho-babble may even be a sign that it takes an especially long time for me to feel 'safe' enough to engage.. so believe me, I have a great respect for the time it takes. And I really do hope that you are able to allow yourself to give me a chance to earn a relationship with you.
> Although as things stand now at Babble, I am highly doubtful of my ability to tolerate an effectively unmoderated board. I had divorced myself entirely from Admin but I suppose this thread reached some unknown critical mass for me.I'm not even a little bit doubtful about your ability. One thing I do know about you, Dinah, is that you have an enormously compassionate and merciful core that seems to ultimately override things that happen along the way that make you want to protectively withdraw. I've seen you put yourself in harm's way on behalf of others, repeatedly. You've got an emotional stamina that you may not even see - but it's evident in how many times you have risen above your own pain... always with wisdom.. poignant self-awareness.. and mercy.
Yep... I'm a Dinah-fan. :-)
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:975555
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/975915.html