Posted by violette on December 26, 2010, at 10:27:29
In reply to Re: Assumptions are presumptuous » violette, posted by Willful on December 21, 2010, at 23:41:51
You seem not to like internet communication except if you're stressed out-- "
Willful, there is some truth in this - but it is more complex than liking or not liking and like dosesn't describe the way i feel about internet communications at all.
To lay it out in black and white - i end up needing social support and don't feel comfortable talking on public forums due to some recent experiences - so, I avoid them..then from time to time, visit and tell myself i'll just stay a little while. But instead, I noticed recently, i let myself get sucked into conversations here that i really don't want to be a part of (like a communication between Alexandra and Soltice). it's just not important to me to think about such things.
While other people have said they tend to post on this admin part of the forum because they are uncomfortable with blocks (or whatever reason makes them uncomfortable), i am uncomfortabel not being able to delete posts later if i write things when I am not emotionally well.
I have posted here while experiencing extreme affect states - psychosis, mania, and dissociative states, to name a few. And later, came back-sometimes horrified-to see what i had written. So i asked Bob to delete the posts, but he would not.
Then, I started using psych central because you can delete posts within 24 hrs, but recently cancelled my membership there as 24 hours didn't work for me. Lots of supportive people there. I used another forum, had similar problems in writing during affect states, and people are so sensitive there, despite being very nice, it's like walking on eggshells, which is a bit too much for me. Well it takes some effort to reinstate your membership at psych central; here, you cant cancel and uncancel your membership. it never goes away.
I have been doing better and quit using internet communications for the most part, but find myself once in a while now reaching out when feeling more distress. So, i do come around when i am feeling like i need to talk, but at the same time, am afraid to write about what brings me here in the first place, for the reasons i stated. So sometimes Ill write about medications or other things, then i just realized, even though i had tried to stick to topics where i can interact without disclosing personal stuff, i end up doing it anyway like i just did on this post.
Most of the time though, i don't feel a need to talk on internet forums any more as i can usually wait till me next therapy session. I can only go to therapy twice a week at the most; sometimes it's difficult to wait till my next session. My friends don't have mental heatlh problems, its hard to find people to talk to. but if i could stay way from forums as long as i did, i am thinking i can find another outlet for social support that works better for me. Just haven't been motivated to do that.
So it's not that i like internet communciations during certain times only, its juts that im in intense therapy which has side affects that don't go well with some of the aspects of internet communications.
Obviously everyone has reasons to come here. I don't think mine are unique. I wonder why some other people hang out here, like people who rarely talk about their own mental health. Who knows why they are here and choose to interact with people here.
Hope you have a happy new year.
poster:violette
thread:973963
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/974681.html