Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2009, at 8:17:45
In reply to Re: Subject line change, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2009, at 23:55:03
> I do respect you Dinah. I know it is hard... Dinah is my friend. Deputy Dinah... Well... That is a different role. One can respect a person without respecting everything they do. I respect (and like) Dinah a great deal. I have empathy for Deputy Dinah but... I don't condone the role anymore. I do greatly respect some of the decisions you have made in your Deputy role. The fairness that I've seen. The not blocking the way Bob would aspect to some of your decisions. I know you don't agree with him on everything... But... Attempts to justify his decisions make me feel nauseous (in the sense of I have a physiological reaction).
I'm glad you've always been able to remain my friend, even when you were angry with me as for what happened on Babble. But Alex, Dinah and Deputy Dinah are the same person. I am who I am. The fact that I chose to volunteer as deputy arises from who I am as a person, and as your friend.
I may not choose to make the choices you've made, but I've never felt disrespect towards you for making them. You're Alex. I like Alex. Alex the poster, and Alex the person. I might be angry from time to time. But I respect you always.
I suppose that we could agree not to discuss Babble, because I don't attempt to justify anything Dr. Bob does. If I think it's wrong I say so. But sometimes we see something differently, and because of that we aren't likely to reach agreement. Or we could continue to civilly each express our own opinion, and hope that sometimes we manage to see things from a slightly different point of view. I know I sometimes come to see things differently because of something you've said. Especially when you express your feelings in that wonderfully raw honest and vulnerable way you have. It's very powerful.
I don't want to make you nauseous though. You know my emetophobia.
> > Some people were trained up... So Bob is happy with them. Good for Bob. I'm not so terribly sure... That things are good for them. And there it is.
>
> > I'll assume you don't include me in those some people. You surely know me well enough to know that I don't train well. :)
>
> I dunno. You train your therapist... I imagine that (to a certain extent) your therapist trains you. Not so you are aware of it of course... I'm thinking more of posters like Deneb. Deneb is Deneb is Deneb. Same person who has been posting here for a while. She's had ups and she's had downs. Bob didn't accept her for a while there. Required her to change how she expressed her emotions. Lou was required to change his posting style, too. Three post rule only really seems to apply to him. Some posters change... I'm not sure that it makes them better people even though it makes them more acceptable to Bob. You gotta change. You gotta mold... If he doesn't have that impact then you'll be up for a blocking sooner or later. He's predictable like that. Just because he can.Just a technical point. Posters don't need to change. They might, but they might not. Dr. Bob doesn't ask posters to change (the subject line in this thread excepted). He outlines what behaviors he expects in order to post here. The difference is rock solid clear to this montessori mom who was raised this way myself. No shoes, no shirt, no service. You don't have to become a shirt wearing person to eat at that establishment. But if you wish to eat at that establishment, you will be expected to wear a shirt.
We see this differently, perhaps because we are different in some ways, and we've had different life experiences. But that doesn't mean I don't respect you or value you highly as a friend. I don't ask that you believe the way I do to be your friend. Or that you change. And I've appreciated that you don't either.
I joke that I train my therapist, but it's just that - a joke. My therapist and I talk about stuff, and sometimes I manage to say something that gives him a new way of thinking about things. After all, he's got a different view from his chair. And he, over time, manages to convince me of some things. Not by training me, but by convincing me he's at least partly right. In the best of relationships, that happens. We care enough to listen, we respect the other person enough to take them seriously, and sometimes we grow to believe the other person is right. Sometimes we don't.
Shall we see this as one of the times we don't?
poster:Dinah
thread:888433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20090302/msgs/894632.html