Posted by Dinah on October 16, 2005, at 23:39:04
In reply to Re: you are not your grammer » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 16, 2005, at 23:29:09
But there is a limit to how well that will work.
I would hope not about shoes being tied.
But say...
Someone who I know doesn't mean me any harm says something about my choice in clothing, and my immediate response is hurt or shame.
I can talk to myself rationally about my response until I'm blue in the face.
I may be able to talk myself out of it, and that's great.
I may also feel vestiges of shame or hurt.
And that's ok too.
It may not be productive to stew over and over again about the words.
But it may be equally unproductive to try to convince myself that I shouldn't feel what I actually do feel.
A personal example is that someone I know feels friendly toward me once exclaimed without thinking "Hey! You used to be pretty!" I know she meant no harm. I talked myself into a way of thinking about her comment, and it's now in my lexicon of things to say in certain situations. I find it amusing, and very expressive. But I also retain vestiges of hurt about it. Based on the fact that it was an extremely accurate statement.
No one gets blocked over saying something that evokes an emotional response in someone else. But that is different from saying that the responder shouldn't respond in whatever way the responder responds.
Which is different from saying "*Perhaps* you could look at it this way, and that might cause you less pain." Adding the perhaps and making it a suggestion is a lot different than saying flatly that you don't have to respond the way you responded.
Which all is far astray from the original post, because I have no idea whatsoever how anyone responded emotionally to comments about grammar.
poster:Dinah
thread:567813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20051013/msgs/567989.html