Posted by alexandra_k on October 16, 2005, at 23:29:09
In reply to Re: you are not your grammer » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on October 16, 2005, at 22:51:16
> > fear as to how others are likely to respond
> > even if they need not respond that way?
> Sigh. I sometimes get a bit frustrated talking to you because you really do believe this.About some things... Yes. That is why I keep on saying it ;-)
>And I really do believe that you can't control your deep down response.
Ones initial emotional response is automatic. Yup, I give you that.
> You can talk to yourself rationally and try to convince yourself. But down under all that rationality is the truth. And unless you understand and acknowledge what you actually feel, resentment breeds and grows.
I give you that too. Ones initial emotional response... Is not (typically) the end result of rational analysis, rather it is automatic. And once it happens it is beyond all possible doubt (that is to say 100% certain) that you are in fact having the emotional response you seem to be having
(unconscious mental states / emotional states aside)
> BTW, the you in the above sentences actually meant me. Or a general universal you.no problemo
> And I'm glad you've found a way of thinking that helps you.But we agree so far, don't we?
But then what happens...Is we have the capacity to 'reinterpret' or 're-perceive' a situation / event.
By rationally considering the situation / event.
I say 'your shoes are untied Dinah'
Lets pretend you have an automatic emotional response of shame
You can't deny that responseShould people be prevented from saying 'your shoes are untied' because of how you are likely to respond to it?
Should your friends not say that because of how you are likely to respond to it?
Should posters be blocked for saying that?
How are we going to learn to be responsible for and manage our own emotional responses if our environment is re-arranged around us so that we never experience that situation again (and hope to god it never occurs spontaneously)? should other people be forced to alter their behaviour because of our emotional responses or be forced to leave our environment?
This doesn't seem right to me...
If you thought that someone cared about you and wouldn't hurt you intentionally then...
if they were to say to you 'your shoes are untied Dinah' your initial response might be shame.
But then... You may consciously appreciate that they don't mean to shame you and you don't have to be ashamed its okay to not be ashamed and you are not a shameful person...
then: you don't feel ashamed anymore.
or if you do a bit... typically the shame is manageable.
or of course you can sit there repeating to yourself 'i am a shameful person i am a shameful person' and what do you think the consequence of that is likely to be?
distress.
intense distress.the way we look at our emotions and events
significantly affects whether our emotion will be a transient response (think of something like a startle response)
or whether it will escalate...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:567813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20051013/msgs/567988.html