Posted by Ines on March 19, 2007, at 17:57:58
In reply to Re: Atypical depression vetted out of studies? » Ines, posted by FredPotter on March 18, 2007, at 7:03:52
Hey Fred,
You know reading your post is like reading something I wrote... I'm really glad you managed to get a prtespcription for Nardil- hope it works all the wonders for you. Keep us posted.
I too sleep a lot, but I seem to have dreams or nightmares constantly. I wake up feeling exhausted, very often drenched in sweat. Some days I feel like a robot, completely sleep deprived. And that's after hours and hours in bed. I'm so anxious I've cracked a few teeth by tooth grinding at night. I have so much mental clutter I can't seem to concentrate on anything properly, not even reading fiction, which I used to really enjoy. And I eat way too much. I've recently started thinking I must also have some ocd, I have some weird obsessive thoughts.
I spend a lot of time thinking I wish I'd never been born. And yet I perk up when I talk to people, I can actually be quite sociable and happy if I'm with people and I've had a few drinks, and can keep up a pretense of normality. Like you say, it confims to people there's nothing wrong. When I do need serious help, or time off work (fairly frequent these days) I feel like people think I'm just lazy. It infuriates me that even with people who ask how I am seem to genuinely care to know, I'll smile and say I'm fine, or doing much better thank you. I smile all the time, people comment on it! Just today my boss came to find out how I was after I've been off work for a few weeks, he's genuinely nice and wanted to know, and I had this idiotic grin and told him how much better I feel. Just before he stopped by I'd been in the loo crying, and wondering how much longer I'll have to endure this before something wroks, and thinking I really feel like I'm at my end's wit. But it's like a compulsion to pretend, I can't control it. And it really makes life harder in a way...
Anyway, I'll shut up. Didn't mean to completely unload on you there. Hopefully we'll all find the key that works one day. Best of luck to you with the Nardil, fingers crossed!
Ines
poster:Ines
thread:737405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070314/msgs/742237.html